A Past Revealed
by Ian K
Summary: A revelation threatens the bond between Aeryn and her son.


A Past Revealed  
  
By Ian K.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Yes  
  
Disclaimer: I did not create Farscape, the universe of Farscape, or its characters. I merely borrowed them for this story, for which I will receive no monetary compensation. No infringement of copyright intended.  
  
Note: This story was written before Zhaan's death on the series. Therefore, she appears in this future fic, and I have decided not to re-edit the story to accommodate Zhaan's death. I like the story as is.  
  
Summary: A revelation threatens the bond between Aeryn and her son.   
  
*  
Aeryn Sun-Crichton was busily at work on her Prowler. After 9 cycles, it was in need of a great deal of maintenance work and replacement parts. She could do the maintenance herself, but she still needed the parts. Luckily, they were nearing a commerce planet that, with luck, would have the parts she needed.  
  
All of a sudden, she felt a slight tug at the back of her shirt. She instinctively knew who it was. Aeryn turned and quickly lifted up her six cycle old son into her arms.  
  
"What a nice surprise? A visit from my little warrior. You're not into any mischief, are you?"  
  
The young John Robert Crichton, III, or "Jack" as they called him, gave her a "who me" look. "No, Mommy, I promise. I just wanted to see what you are doing."  
  
"Well, Mommy's working on her Prowler. It needs a lot of repairs, you know."  
  
"Can I learn how to fly a Prowler someday, Mommy?"  
  
"Sure. Someday, I will teach you."  
  
"Good, because I want to grow up to be just like you. You and Daddy."  
  
Aeryn considered that for a moment. A mixture of her and John would make for an interesting person. Unusual, but interesting.  
  
Aeryn gave her son a quick hug and put him down. "Now, run along and play. Mommy has to get back to work."  
  
"Okay, see ya later, Mommy."  
  
Aeryn smiled as her son ran out of the maintenance bay. "I just hope you get the best of both of us, Jack," she thought. She quickly cleared her head and went back to work.  
  
**  
Jack went to the Crichton family quarters on Moya in hopes of finding his Dad. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. He then activated his comm.  
  
"Pilot, where is my Dad?"  
  
"I'm afraid your father is quite busy working with D'Argo in command, young Crichton. Shall I relay him a message?"  
  
"No, that's okay, Pilot. Thanks."  
  
Jack deactivated his comm. He was bored. The boy decided to have some fun looking at some of Daddy's and Mommy's stuff. He went to a metal box in his parent's room and opened it. Jack found a flight suit and some other equipment that he knew to be his mother's.   
  
The boy took out his Mom's flight helmet and put it on. The large helmet encompassed his head, and he began to dream of wearing it as he streaked through space flying the Prowler. After a few moments, he took off the helmet and went to put it back in the box.   
  
While doing so, he saw a small object half buried at the bottom of the box. Curious about everything as most little boys are, Jack pulled out the object to examine it. The boy identified it as a holo disk, which probably contained some pictures or vids.  
  
"Mommy never showed me this. I wonder what's on it?"  
  
Jack knew where he could find a holo imager, and decided to see what was on the mysterious disk.  
  
***  
Aeryn had done all she could do with her Prowler until she could get the parts she needed. She decided to go find her husband. Entering command, she nodded to D'Argo who was just leaving.  
  
"Hey," John Crichton called without turning around.  
  
Aeryn walked up and put her arms around John's waist. "Hey. I was wondering if you were almost done?"  
  
"Just about." John turned around and returned his wife's embrace. "Why, did you have something in mind?" He kissed her neck and began to work his way up to her cheek.  
  
"Later, John, later," she said with a slight chuckle. "I was thinking that we should find Jack and spend some time with him. I saw him earlier and he seemed a little lonely."  
  
John and Aeryn broke their embrace. "Yeah, we have been kind of busy today. I miss him, too. Okay, lets see where he is."  
  
John Crichton activated his comm. "Hey, Jack. Where are ya? Your Mom and Dad are looking for you. We were wondering if you wanted to play."  
  
No response came from the comm. Aeryn, with a note of concern, activated her comm. "Jack, answer Mommy. Tell me where you are."  
  
Still no reply. Aeryn quickly contacted Pilot. "Pilot, do you know where Jack is?"  
  
"I'm afraid not, Officer Crichton. He has apparently deactivated his comm."  
  
Aeryn and John exchanged looks of surprise and concern. "John, what if he was playing somewhere and got hurt?" She was getting very nervous.  
  
Seeing this, John put his hands on her shoulders. "Calm down, Aeryn, I'm sure he's okay. Pilot, get the DRD's searching for him, please. Also contact the others, maybe they've seen him."  
  
"Immediately, Commander."  
  
****  
John and Aeryn decided to split up to look for Jack. John had the feeling that he was hiding, but why he did not know. He decided to go and look in some of the places where he would hide from D'Argo during the Luxan's bouts with hyper-rage. Like father, like son, after all.  
  
Eventually, he came to a small room on a lower tier with a large air vent. When he entered the room, John could hear whimpering coming from the air vent. As only a father would know, John immediately identified the sound as coming from his son.  
  
John went to the vent, bent down, and saw his son sitting in the vent crying. He was holding something in his hand that John could not see.   
  
"Jack, there you are. I've been worried sick about you. What's the matter?"  
  
The father reached out his hand to his son and, with a smile, offered to help the boy get out of the vent. Jack slowly complied, coming out into John's arms. The elder Crichton immediately gave his son a bear hug as the boy openly began to cry. As his shirt began to be soaked with his son's tears, John tapped his comm.  
  
"He's okay, everyone, I've found him. Tier 14, in one of the small storage rooms."  
  
John deactivated his comm and turned his attention to his son. "Now, what's got my boy so upset?"  
  
Jack was about to speak when they heard running footsteps approach the room in the corridor. John stood up, with Jack standing beside him.  
  
Aeryn came running into the room with a look of relief at seeing her son safe, mixed with concern at seeing that the boy was crying. "Jack, what's wrong..." she said as she approached her son.  
  
Jack immediately recoiled at his mother's approach and hid behind his father. "No! No! Keep away from me! KEEP AWAY!" The boy was screaming at the top of his lungs. Aeryn responded with a look of confusion and fear. She never thought that her own son would look on her with fear, remembering how only a few arns ago he looked on her with love.  
  
John immediately responded by kneeling down and putting his arms on his son's shoulders. "Hey, hey, what is it? It's your Mommy, she's here to help."  
  
Aeryn spoke as well to the boy, but kept her distance. "Yes, Jack. What's wrong with my little warrior?"  
  
"No! NO! I'm not a warrior! I'M NOT! Keep away!"  
  
"Jack, what has got you so upset?" pleaded John. The concern within him for his son was growing by the second as he saw the fear in the boy's eyes. "Tell me, nothing is going to hurt you. I won't let it."  
  
"Mommy's a killer! She killed a Pilot!!"  
  
Aeryn immediately felt a wave of shock and grief threaten to overwhelm her. "How could he know about that?" she thought to herself. "We've kept that a secret from him. How?"  
  
It was then that Crichton looked at the boy's clenched fist. He got his son to open the fist and hand him the holo disk. John immediately realized what his son had seen. He had seen a group of Peacekeepers mercilessly murder a Pilot, and then had seen that one of the Peacekeepers was his own mother. John was at a loss for words. He did not know what to say to his frightened son. John finally managed to speak.  
  
"Jack, where...where did you get this?"  
  
"I was playing with Mom's helmet, in the big metal box in your room. I found it. I didn't know what was on it. So, I watched it. And then I saw it. I saw it!"  
  
Aeryn again moved to comfort her son. "Jack..."  
  
Jack immediately backed away again, screaming, "NO! KEEP AWAY! You don't love me. I hate you! I HATE YOU!"  
  
Jack ran out of the room at lightning speed. John moved to go after him, but stopped for a moment and looked into Aeryn's eyes. He was torn between the pain of his wife and that of his son, and did not know what to do. Aeryn decided for him. "Go, John." She said softly. "Go to our son."  
  
John kissed Aeryn briefly on her mouth, and began to go after his son. As he parted, John said, "Wait in our quarters, I'll come to you later."  
  
Aeryn stood there in silence for a few moments. "My past has returned. I can not escape it, and now it may have taken my son from me." She turned and ran to her quarters.  
  
*****  
When Aeryn entered the family quarters, she moved slowly to her's and John's bedroom. She stood in the room by the bed for a long moment before finally collapsing into a sitting position on the bed. Aeryn cried out with grief as tears poured out of her. She put her face in her hands and wept bitter tears of shame and loss.  
  
Zhaan quietly entered the room and immediately went to the crying woman on the bed. She sat down and put her arms around the grieving mother, an embrace readily accepted by Aeryn who leaned into the comforting arms of the Delvian priestess.   
  
"John told me what happened, my dear. He sent me to see if I could help you."  
  
Aeryn began to wipe the tears from her face and sat up. "No one can help me, Zhaan. I cannot escape my past. No matter what I do, I cannot find redemption. I should have gotten rid of that damned disk cycles ago! I don't know why I kept it. My past has caught up to me again, and it has taken the most precious thing in my life from me. The purest thing in my life, the best part of me, and it has been stripped from me. My own little boy hates me."  
  
"No, my dear, he does not hate you. He is simply frightened and confused. Jack should never have seen that holo disk, at least not until he was much older. Until now, he has only known you as his mother. You are a source of love, stability, and protection for him. That image has been temporarily shattered and it needs to be restored."  
  
"How can I do that? How can I restore confidence in my son when I have no confidence in my worthiness to be his mother?"  
  
"You do not have to prove your worthiness to be his mother to me, John, or anyone else. We have all seen your profound love for and devotion to that boy. You are his mother, and you have lived up to that responsibility with more courage and commitment than any mother I have ever known. I am proud of you. We are all proud of you, and proud to call you our friend. And John is proud to call you his wife, and the mother of his son."  
  
"But my son no longer has pride in his mother."  
  
"He does, my dear. That is part of the problem. Jack takes a great deal of pride in his parents, that is why he always says that he wants to grow up to be like you and John. He takes great pride in his mother."  
  
"No longer. He no longer wants to be like his mother. His mother is a murderer to him."  
  
"No, that's just it. He still loves you, and still wishes to take pride in the fact that you are his mother. That is why there is so much conflict and fear within him. He cannot reconcile his feelings with the image he saw of his mother in the past. You must help him reconcile that conflict."  
  
John entered the room and went to Aeryn. She immediately rose and ran into her husband's waiting arms. She clung to him like he was a rock in a raging river.  
  
"Aeryn, honey, I think I've got Jack to calm down. D'Argo and I have been talking to him. He's in the dining hall. I think he is ready to see you."  
  
Aeryn nodded and walked out of the room with John. Before leaving, she turned and looked at Zhaan. She reached out her hand, which was taken by the Delvian priestess. "Thank you, Zhaan."  
  
Zhaan simply smiled as the couple left the room to go to their son.  
  
******  
Aeryn and John entered the room and found Jack sitting at a table with D'Argo. The Luxan looked up to see the Crichtons enter, and quietly made his exit. As he left, D'Argo placed his arm on Aeryn's shoulder and squeezed it. Aeryn briefly reached her hand up to return her friend's gesture. As D'Argo exited, Aeryn approached the table where her son was and sat down, with John hanging back.  
  
"Your Daddy said that you were doing better. Can we talk?"  
  
"Why did you kill that Pilot, Mommy?"  
  
"Direct and to the point. I wonder where he gets that from?" thought Aeryn.   
  
Aeryn began to answer her son's question. "Jack, when your Mommy was a Peacekeeper, she had very few choices. She was required to follow orders. If she didn't, she would have been severely punished. As a Peacekeeper, I did some very bad things because I was ordered to do them."  
  
"So you were forced to kill that Pilot, Mommy?"  
  
"No, well yes, but...I'm afraid its not that simple. You see, I was born a Peacekeeper. I was raised as a Peacekeeper. I could not really play like you can, nor did I get the love that you get from everyone here on Moya. I was trained as a child to be a Peacekeeper. I was trained to follow orders and do things...like that. In a way, I didn't know any better. I did not know about anything other than what I was trained to do, that is to be a Peacekeeper soldier. Back then, I was proud of my career. I was proud to be a Peacekeeper. But I can only say that I did not know that what I was...what I did was wrong." She looked at John, and then back to Jack. "When your father came into my life," she began to say as John took her outstretched hand, "he showed me that there was a better way to live. He told me that I could be more than what I was. He and the others showed me the way, and eventually I came to realize that my life as a Peacekeeper was wrong and I was ashamed of what I had done back then. I worked very hard to be a good person. Eventually, this path led me to love your father and marry him, which of course led to you coming into my life."  
  
"But Mommy, you always take pride in being a warrior."  
  
"Yes, I do. I take pride in my skill as a warrior. That is the one good thing I learned as a Peacekeeper. But there is a difference in being a warrior and a Peacekeeper. I can take pride in being a warrior and having those skills, but can still reject being a Peacekeeper. Do you understand?"  
  
"I think so, Mommy."  
  
Aeryn placed her arms on Jack's shoulders. Thankfully, the boy did not flinch or pull away. "Understand this also, my son. You and your father are the best things in my life. Having both of you come into my life were the best things that ever happened to me. No matter what, always know that..." Aeryn's words were choked by tears, "...that your Mommy loves you. That I will always love you."  
  
Jack began to cry as well. Finally, the boy said softly, "I love you, too, Mommy."  
  
Mother and son hugged each other in a tearful embrace, as waves of relief swept over them both. With tears in his eyes, John Crichton put his arms around both his wife and son and put his head on Aeryn's head.  
  
Jack looked up and spoke. "Mommy, Daddy."  
  
"Yeah, son," replied John.  
  
"I still want to grow up to be like both of you."  
  
The End. 


End file.
